Falling
... (from Page 2)the faces of people and see my own misery
looking back.
What the hell am I doing with my life? I want to live to be a
healthy old man; it’s too easy to rationalize wasting my life away. I
wish I could just start it all over again with a fresh outlook,
motivated, idealistic, and with a renewed hope for humanity. That’s
not happening.
My own insecurities and searches are being reflected as I meet
people who share their own crises about the directions they’re going
in. Conversation after conversation reveals a genuine discontent with
where we are at as a planet and our place within this culture. How can
we reconcile all the various pulls on our time and attention? I want
to follow my dreams and still have a roof over my head. When
everything threatens to crumble apart, a safety net appears.
Big changes are aching to be made, the ground is cracking, and it
is time to jump. I leap towards my purpose. Fresh air rushing up to
meet me. This new perspective is unusual and invigorating; I notice
things I never have before. There are bunches of other jumpers too,
sewing nets together. My fear of heights is gone too – in the free
fall I left my fears back up on the cliff, they’re floating away. Life
is speeding up but not in a stressful sort of way. Even the prospect
of crashing below doesn’t cause panic; I’d still only be a speck
joining the big picture. I reach out to the extended hands of falling
souls, together we make the nets that will break our descent. The nets
work, all the diving dreamers are banding together, networking to
manifest a different future.
The worst possible thing is not that I could fail. Nothing would be
more terrible than stagnating on a dull self-depreciating ledge of
inactivity. Purging my last chunk, dropping from my mouth like so many
unspoken obstacles. I need to live more. Not because one day I’ll die,
no I need to live more because I’m alive this, just once...
Ishi graduated from Emily Carr Institute of Art and Design in 2001,
with a BFA major in photography. He makes films, collects cacti, and
ponders many things. Currently he is trying to figure out what to do
with the rest of his life. contactishi@yahoo.ca
...waiting to hear echoes back…
Linda Person 01/02
Ian Spier 01/07
